Diving horses and Volkeswagons

 I once knew a guy..  He was drafted into world war II at the age of 18. He was the of the first generation of my Italian family that was born in the US. As a result of having parents who came here from Italy, he could speak fluent Italian and English. 

 

My dad in Germany (world war II) 

 He & my mom had 3 daughters before I came along 8 years after their youngest. My two eldest siblings were twins, 10 years older than me.  I can only imagine what that was like for all of them, an established family to have another child come along so much later. 

 

 

 

Turns out, My appearance ruined everything for this family. I imagine them having long established routines, summer vacations & relationships, funny and cherished memories together.  This was a family that grew after the war. My sisters were born in 1948 and 1950 respectively.  I came along in December of 1958. 

Atlantic City- I vaguely remember my father protecting me in this picture. I've never seen my sisters this heavy in my life. I think they realized around this time, my father desperately wanted a son, an heir, a namesake.

Just a few short years later, they & my mom had flipped the script. I was miserable & they were thin & and happy.  Amazing how grown females can demonize and isolate  a  male child. That kind of thing tends to wake someone up.. eventually.  

 

My day & his mom. I don't think a mother who would reject her son at birth was something either he or I could ever comprehend.  Things did not improve from there. 

There was virtually no divorce, back then, in my small town of Pittston, Pennsylvania. There were many years of denial, drug & alcohol abuse and hanging on to a family that, outside of my dad, was just an illusion I held onto. 

My dad (c), my uncle patsy (l) and my dad's best friend (r).

For the longest time I was confused about this day. I never saw that uniform or wagon before or since.  Turns out, my dad was gathering souvenirs of a life he had more than earned, but would be denied.  Took me a while, but I finally figured it out one day. 

Could also have titled this a life repossessed or continually repossessed..?  It's interesting the women & the gov took everything from my dad. The war ended & he had to hand it over to them.  There are too many things wrong there to even begin.

These are lonely times. I don't think it's  unhealthy at all to be as public as possible in the face of genocide. I want nothing more than for it to stop.  I'm not very good at any of this imo. 

My father was a proper gentleman, at least for a time in his life. My style usually ended up being bull in a china shop... though the intent never began as such.  Maybe that is how I first noticed the effect of frequency, even w/o using it.  Lived near it for too long.